Admission of Truth

This is, for lack of better explanation, my admission of truth. It is how I truly feel about a situation, in the most basic and sincere way I know how to express it.

"Admission of Truth"

I want to hate you.
I want to write you off and never look back.
Erase the history books,
delete the pictures and the messages,
remove you from it all…
From me

I want to scream and I want to yell; I want to blame you for it all.
I want this to be about you,
not about me
I don’t want anything to do with this;
Because involvement means blame.
I want to go back and cut all my ties
But I can't.

Because when it comes down it,
that’s just plain impossible.
That simply can’t be done.
My talents don’t reach that far, they simply aren’t that good.
I am part of this, an undeniable part.

And so are you.
Nobody wants to be the bad guy
But to deny fault is to deny what’s happened
And neither of us can do that.
I don’t know if that’s what you want
But I do know you can’t have it.

I sat with words, words overflowing
Words spilling into nothing,
Because I couldn’t share them; they just weren’t right
So I took them and forced them onto paper.
For you.
Take them for what you will,
But these are the words I wanted
Needed
To share.

You’re wrong.
You judged when you had no right
You actions were often uncalled for
You claimed a great understanding,
But were blind of your actions and implications
You wanted to be some great big girl
But you weren’t ready.
You weren’t ready to handle me.
And you have a long way to go until you are.

I’m wrong.
I made a statement, in the wrong ways.
I provoked to get my point across.
I retaliated.
I didn’t want to be understood.
I knew what I did and did what I knew.
I didn’t want what I asked for,
And those consequences are mine to bear.

I don’t want an apology.
I don’t want an explanation.
I don’t want to give either.
I just want you to understand
That amongst everything that was said
I don’t blame you; I don’t blame me.

All I want is a resolution.