It's a Day

It’s a day of joy; it’s a day of celebration; it’s a day of rejoicing and jubilation.
It’s a day of self gratification
It’s a day about you, and only you
It’s a day about maturing…after some good fun
It’s a day that will one day become a burden

But this day is more than that, because this day is full of nostalgia. Years have passed and memories have transpired. Growth has occurred: Physical, emotional, spiritual, emotional. Nothing is what it was. Nor will it ever be again.

It’s a day of looking back as well as forward – where to go?
It’s a day of realization – backwards isn’t an option.
It’s a day of introspection – Am I who I want to be?
It’s a day of congratulation – I’ve made it this far.

It may be a birthday, but there’s a lot more to this day. To say anything else would be painfully ignorant, like birthdays decades past. This day is about realization, despite all the realization. Cake is nice, but it won’t tell you much.

It’s a day to make wishes, and begin to make them come true. It’s a day to make everything I’ve desired come to pass, to be mine. It’s a day to blow out candles, so I can remember to be my own light. It’s a day to remember what I’ve gone through, so I know what I’ll go through.

Today, is my birthday.

Admission of Truth

This is, for lack of better explanation, my admission of truth. It is how I truly feel about a situation, in the most basic and sincere way I know how to express it.

"Admission of Truth"

I want to hate you.
I want to write you off and never look back.
Erase the history books,
delete the pictures and the messages,
remove you from it all…
From me

I want to scream and I want to yell; I want to blame you for it all.
I want this to be about you,
not about me
I don’t want anything to do with this;
Because involvement means blame.
I want to go back and cut all my ties
But I can't.

Because when it comes down it,
that’s just plain impossible.
That simply can’t be done.
My talents don’t reach that far, they simply aren’t that good.
I am part of this, an undeniable part.

And so are you.
Nobody wants to be the bad guy
But to deny fault is to deny what’s happened
And neither of us can do that.
I don’t know if that’s what you want
But I do know you can’t have it.

I sat with words, words overflowing
Words spilling into nothing,
Because I couldn’t share them; they just weren’t right
So I took them and forced them onto paper.
For you.
Take them for what you will,
But these are the words I wanted
Needed
To share.

You’re wrong.
You judged when you had no right
You actions were often uncalled for
You claimed a great understanding,
But were blind of your actions and implications
You wanted to be some great big girl
But you weren’t ready.
You weren’t ready to handle me.
And you have a long way to go until you are.

I’m wrong.
I made a statement, in the wrong ways.
I provoked to get my point across.
I retaliated.
I didn’t want to be understood.
I knew what I did and did what I knew.
I didn’t want what I asked for,
And those consequences are mine to bear.

I don’t want an apology.
I don’t want an explanation.
I don’t want to give either.
I just want you to understand
That amongst everything that was said
I don’t blame you; I don’t blame me.

All I want is a resolution.

New Poem: Growing Pains

A new poem, written to an old friend.
Title: Growing Pains


You were a sudden shock
A flash back to the past
Unexpected yet anticipated

I wanted more from you
Not the same game

Your bait does nothing anymore
That gig is done and up
Just move on, for your own sake

Did I grow?
Did you stay?
What changed from what was;
You. Me.
We’re no longer the same

My perspective is now far away
Distant, not wanting to walk that road
I’ve learned, and I fear you haven’t
Your fortune pains me
For the you I know exists

I guess this is growing up.

Zach Lately

Wow, its been a while since I posted. Slacking much? In my defense its finals prep time, so I've been a little busy.

I've been especially busy getting published! That's right, published for my work on the Nuisance Gathering Ordinance here at school. Mind you, its not Pulitzer Prize winning work, but I don't turn my nose up at it either. Here are the links for those who are interested: Feature (First article), Follow-up Meeting (Second article).

Aside from that, it hasn't been too crazy of a time, with the exception of McClain passing.
R.I.P. Mickey.

Life has been...well, life. And I'm loving every minute of it.

I'll be putting up some posts about Thanksgiving, Black Friday, and Camp once I finish reviewing them.

A Lady Luck Love Affair

And it hits me, hard yet soft, a sudden realization that is only beginning to dawn; the truth I’ve so long avoided. No matter what I do, I’ll be yours. No matter the distance, no matter the reason, the space, the time, I’m yours. You’ve got this hold on me, and it won’t stop. Your grip isn’t hard, it isn’t rough, but it’s persistent, everlasting. It’s like you’ve left a mark, branded me with your initials, for all to see.

It matters not where I go, they all know. It’s like they see you on me, behind me, ever-present, a constant reminder of your influence. You’re inescapable, and it’s inevitable that I’ll return. It’s not what I feel I want…but that realization continues to sink in, and I realize it doesn’t matter. I’m yours no matter what.